Leading With Empathy

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This story from “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” is one that has always stuck with me and reminds me of the importance of understanding someone else’s perspective and experience:

Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed. The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing. It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?” The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.”

This short story gave me perspective as a principal and teacher.  I remember as I progressed in my career, moments of misbehavior from students affected me less emotionally because it often had little (if anything) to do with me, and everything to do with what was going on with the student at the time. I just learned to breathe and calm down and get to the heart of what was going on.  It wasn’t that I didn’t care about what my students were going through; I just realized that it was often not a reflection due to our interactions.  Something else was often going on.

The next time you struggle with a student, colleague, or someone in your personal life, remember this Covey story.  There is probably a more significant side to the story that you are not seeing.

People That Fill Your Bucket

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Watch this short clip from “Jerry Maguire”:

This short clip, says so much about us as educators as well as our students.  This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately.

My friend Katie Martin shares three tips on the “The Science of Happiness: 3 Practices That Changed My Perspective” (I encourage you to read the whole post) after attending a keynote by  Dr. Tal Ben Shahar. The point on “gratitude” especially resonated with me:

3) Show Gratitude

This last one is so simple and complex at the same time- maybe that’s just me though. In a way, it requires vulnerability to express gratitude. I have a framed quote in my office that says, “start each day with a grateful heart.” But, to be honest, I am not always as intentional as I could be about this practice on a day to day basis even though I am so grateful for all I have and really appreciate when people share their gratitude with me.

I do my best to show gratitude to those closest me (I could get better), but I know that I have been bad at showing appreciation for things in my life.  It is easy to get caught up in deficit thinking, but I have been trying to start my morning off with thinking about three things I am grateful for in my life. It has helped me start on a positive note even when I am having a tough day/week mentally and emotionally.

But one thing I am truly grateful for is that I have people in my life that I can contact and say, “Hey…I need a pep talk.”  And they never fail me. Sometimes I don’t listen to what they say, but I always realize that I am grateful that I can count on them for saying it.

Surround yourself with people that fill you up.  As I have grown older, I have realized that a small circle of those people in your life who are willing to have your back and fill you up, is much better than a large circle that has no interest in doing the same thing.

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The Core of Innovative Teaching and Learning #InnovatorsMindsetUDL

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The above image is a draft visual that is the basis of my next book, “The Core of Innovative Teaching and Learning” (working title) which connects “The Innovator’s Mindset” and Universal Design for Learning (UDL).  I am blessed to have Katie Novak writing this book with me as her brilliance and expertise is something that I know so many people will benefit from in reading the book, as I have benefitted tremendously in writing alongside her.  She takes UDL and makes it extremely accessible for all educators while providing practical strategies for teachers that they can use, iterate, or hopefully, spark new ideas.  This book is focused on providing strategies for teachers through Katie’s amazing examples that she weaves throughout, but since we focus on learners, we hope to see administrators see the value of mirroring these opportunities in their community.

The book is separated into parts based on the visual above.  Part 1 is on the first two circles. Those four areas are meant to “set the stage” for learners.  “Relationships” is listed in the middle because without a focus on it, the other three strands will not be as effective.

Part 2 is focused on “The 8 Characteristics of the Innovator’s Mindset” (new visual below) and the UDL principles, and their connection to one another.  If part 1 is “setting the stage,” part 2 is about student’s “putting on the production.”

And in Part 3, we discuss some of the opportunities we have to lead from where we are and how important it is that we not only focus on the “whole student” but the “whole educator” as well.

We also discuss “Innovative Teaching and Learning” is not focused on only doing the “latest and greatest” for our students. It is about finding new and better ways to serve our learners, whether through a traditional practice or a new idea.

The book will be out soon, and I look forward to sharing more information as the release date gets closer.  I just wanted the opportunity to share the visuals out with the world.  Feedback is appreciated.

“Tell me what you need to ensure that every student in your class can learn.”

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In my post, “Invest in the People that Invest in the Students,” discussing the importance of focusing more “on people” than initiatives and programs, a comment from Catherine Quanstrom stuck out to me:

Our teachers are caring professionals who are increasingly stymied when it comes to meeting the learning needs of their students in today’s diverse, inclusive classrooms. These classes often contain a critical mass of students with complex learning profiles. Just once I’d like to hear of an administrator who told a teacher: “Tell me what you need to ensure that every student is your class can learn; it’s my job to find the resources — money, personnel, testing, materials — and to then provide them so that you, their teacher, can teach.”

Catherine makes an excellent point.  I have been lucky to not only work for administrators that embody the feedback but also work alongside administrators currently that do remove barriers for their staff to incredible heights.

A few things I thought about from Catherine’s comment:

  1. As an administrator, we have to recognize that teachers don’t have full plates, but full platters.  Don ‘t ever add anything to the platter without explicitly communicating things that can come off. Less is more if you want things to be done well.
  2. In my experience as an administrator, I filtered as much as I could away from my teachers that was not necessary.  There are things you will do as a teacher that no one ever told you about in “teacher college” that are boring, tedious, and seemingly have little purpose.  That is the reality of the job.  But there are WAY too many things that are put upon teachers that are not necessary (i.e., the million surveys that seem to come around January and February).  Filter away.
  3. Remember that when you taught, how complex teaching was, but also identify that teaching becomes more complex (seemingly) each year.  You can remember what it was like when you were a teacher, but it doesn’t mean that those realities are the same today.  It helps for understanding, but it will never give the full picture. (This is true for the role of administrator as well.)
  4. It is rare (if ever) that people want to do a lousy job.  Guidance and coaching work better than ridicule and negative reinforcements.

There is a balance between “getting out of the way” and leading from the front, side, or back.  A simple question to think about as an administrator; am I creating barriers or pathways, and how is that helping my staff maximize their potential?

Human Disconnection

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I am sitting in a Starbucks, and focusing on writing.  I tend to come to this place because I know the taste of what I am going to drink, and I also know that I can work with people in my vision, but in isolation with no interruption.  I like the “routine” of it all, but also know that with a large pair of headphones, I can concentrate and get things done without any interruptions from others. I have done more writing in a Starbucks than I have any other place in the world.

There is so much focus on collaboration in education. I think the ability to work with others is crucial, but I also don’t think we have to do it all of the time.  Whether we are face-to-face or online, we almost can be overconnected unless we decide to disconnect ourselves.

Human connection (face-to-face) is essential, but so is human disconnection.  We need to learn to be able to be alone and work alone. I watch my daughter playing, and sometimes she walks into another room, grabs some toys, and takes some time to herself. She is not worried about what I am doing or what is happening on social media. It is just her and her thoughts with no around but her. I don’t know why she does it or when it is going to happen, but as much as I love her being around me, I also love that she sometimes sits on her own with no prompting.

I don’t even know where I am going with this or why I am writing it. Working in isolation right now, this is what I started thinking about, and I just chose to write it down.  This time I have created for myself to process my thoughts is invaluable to me and something, I think many students could benefit from in schools.  Reflection on our own is crucial to moving forward.

Edsger W. Dijkstra Quote: “Thanks to the greatly improved possibility of communication, we overrate its importance. Even stronger, we underrate the importance of isolation.”

Invest in the People that Invest in Students

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The article, “How Education Takes Itself Too Seriously” by Jennifer Nicole, is one that could push your thinking and starts with an interesting paragraph:

Education has become a system that revolves around the needs of the adults instead of the needs of the children. We focus on curriculum, assessment, and technology. We focus on content, instruction, and differentiation.

But we fail to focus on what really matters — reaching children.

Education programs fail to address the primary driver of success in the classroom — relationships. They fail to address childhood development and the conditions in which children learn best. They fail to address how to incorporate social and emotional learning into teaching practices.

Then, it ends with this challenge:

It’s time for education to take a backseat to students. Take children seriously instead.

I agree with a lot of what is being said in the article, but I would make a subtle change, and from the reading, I think the author might agree.

It’s time for education to take a backseat to students learners. Take children people seriously instead.

The best educators I have come across know that it is people you need to serve and focus on and why the author focuses on the importance of “relationships” but we tend to get caught up in being an “insert program certified” school as opposed to finding ways to spend our resources (money and time) on focusing and growing people.

Here is what I used to think…We need to always start on what is best for kids.

Here is what I now think…If we want to do what is best for kids, we have to ensure that the people closest to them have what they need to do the best job possible.  You can’t “serve” students unless you “serve” the people that work with them. This is true in all organizations, not just education.

For example, if you are having an issue with a company and you need to get to a point where you ask “Can I speak to the manager?”, that may signify the person that works closest to the customer doesn’t have the same opportunities to do what is right for the person in front of them based on “common sense” which can be lost in “policy.”  By developing and investing time in the people that work closest to students, you are investing in students.  I am not saying any, and every “program” is terrible, but guess who has to implement it?

Invest in the people that work closest with students, and you have invested in kids.

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3 Important Questions Regarding “Success” in Schools

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This article, “9 Simple Ways to Improve Your Life in 9 Short Days,” has some excellent advice that could benefit many, educators and students alike.  The first paragraphs on “success” struck me:

Successful people live by a different set of rules. Collecting accolades, reaching the top of the corporate ladder, or acquiring riches isn’t as important as having a calling, pursuing a dream, and changing lives.

Successful people inspired by a mission strive to leave behind a legacy. Fair warning, though: When all is said and done, it’s really not about you. It took years for me to develop the understanding that life is about giving, service, and meaningful relationships.

As an adult, your version of what “success” looks like could and should be different from mine.  But how “success” is often portrayed in society, can send a message to students that their success is not as valuable as the success of someone else.

Thinking about “success” and what it means in connection to schools and education, here are some questions that I have been wrestling with

  1. Do we have continuous conversations with students about what they believe “success” is or is it defined and planned out for them?  How do we ensure students are in on the conversation regarding “success?”
  2. When we talk about a “successful” school, how is that portrayed in our communication with communities past “grades and scores?”
  3. Is the success of the school more about what the adults deem as “success” and a measure of their work as opposed to what the students do, create, and act?

From my travels, I have seen more schools, classrooms, and teachers, help students understand and strive for success that is based more on “purpose” rather than basing it on extrinsic value. I appreciate when those conversations are had because it helps students feel valued and that although paths can be different, they can still have tremendous value to ourselves as individuals.

This is important to note…Adults are there to help students and the conversation regarding success is something we can help guide our students on. But, excluding them (students) from the discussion is not helpful now or in the future.

What do you do with what you know?

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From the article, “Why reading 100 books a year won’t make you successful.”

Personal development books are only as helpful as the action we take after reading them. All the methodologies and frameworks in the world won’t impact us if we can’t process them properly.

Elon Musk and co., attribute their success to reading because they read purposely, and apply that learning in the wider context of their careers. They didn’t plough through huge volumes of material as a box to be ticked.

Reading counts when it’s retained and put into practice.

As Mortimer J. Adler wrote:

“In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.”

When I first read this post, it was a nice counter to all of the “I am going to read 100 books this year posts!” The article distinguishes between reading for pleasure (which is more likely to stick) and reading for personal growth.

The notion of creation is so imperative to the work that we do in education.  I saw someone write something to the effect of “95% of people online consume content, and only 5% create.” I have no idea the accuracy of the validity of that statement in the context of the Internet, but it does give me pause when I think about education. Do we encourage our students to meaningfully create (meaning that it is meaningful to them) or do we have an over-abundance of consumption?  It is not that consumption is terrible (it’s necessary), but it recognizes that both are important if we are to focus on depth of learning.

If we are going to change this, we have to think differently about our professional learning opportunities? For example, conferences try to jam pack as much content into a day as possible because there is this false notion that this provides value. What if during conferences or PD time, we scheduled times for participants to create something of meaning during the day, instead of assuming that “PD” time is about consumption and the “creation” part is meant to be on your time?

We have to be more thoughtful of how we do this in our learning so we can understand how shifting these experiences in our practice can help improve learning in our classrooms.

Mortimer J. Adler Quote: “In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.”

The Patience and Persistence Needed for Our Students

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Reflecting on what makes a "Master Teacher," George Couros says the most important quality is the ability to connect with students. The other qualities won't make a difference without this one.

 

A friend, and former colleague, Les Worthington, wrote the following Facebook post (shared with permission):

While standing in line at a store today a young man approached me and said, “Hello Mr. Worthington.” He has grown a lot since I saw him last (+/-5 years), and I didn’t recognize him (I guess I’ve aged well because he recognized me!) Once he said his name I said hello and gave him a hug. We chatted briefly before he had to go. I thanked him for coming up to me and saying hello.

I know (as do most people in education) that what I do has an impact on kids, and that I have an important role in guiding and educating the next generation. Moments like today remind me that students also have an impact on us. As I drove home the positive emotional impact hit me, brought tears to my eyes, and really filled my bucket.

This young man, for reasons beyond his control, has had to overcome more obstacles than a child should. My time with him had its ups and its challenges. I’m a better educator and person for having known him. I hope my impact on him was equally as positive, and I hope this post finds its way to him. Him choosing to come say hello, although small in action, was large in impact, and reminds those of us in education why we do what we do.

Les is the real deal, and from knowing him and seeing him work directly with students, I could feel the emotion in his post.

A few things:

  1. My hope as an educator was not to solely “prepare kids for the future” but to help them build a better world than we have currently. Although, we all can have frustrating days as teachers when students challenge us, how we interact in those moments, as Les reminds us, will model a way for our students in the future.
  2. I remember getting frustrated with students early on in my career when they were “acting up” but, again as Les reminds us, many students are going through things that I would struggle handling as an adult.  When you feel them struggling, the trick is not to “love less” but to “love more.” Students need to know you have their back especially when they are struggling.
  3. I remember one mom being upset with the progress of her child and I kept reminding her that kids develop in different ways at different times, and we just needed to be patient. Her son grew up to be a fantastic person because our focus as a team (educator and parent) was to not focus on the “right now” but to focus on the child’s future and be patient with the pathway they were taking.  This is not about being “soft” on kids at the moment but just to remind me to be patient and persistent.  On days when we struggle, it is essential to look back on how far a child has come, as to become frustrated where they are in that moment.

I loved the post from Les. It gave me several reminders on the incredible work of educators being done everywhere.

The Importance of Value and Purpose

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I have discussed the importance of relationships in education and see them as the core of excellent teaching and learning.  It is not that I choose relationships over teaching and learning (relationships are not enough), but I know you can get more done with them than you can do without that relationship in place.  I know that in my experience, whether as a student or as a colleague, when I felt people didn’t care if they connected or made you feel valued, I cared less about what I could have learned from them, or checked out thoroughly.  David Pysyk, one of the best principals I knew told me that “a teacher that is good with relationships and bad with curriculum can last a lot longer than the one who is the opposite. Both are important, but one is more valuable.”

But this is not only for students but adults as well. In the article, “Why Engagement Happens In Employees’ Hearts, Not Their Minds” they make the connection between the importance of “love” and engagement in work.

While it used to be that people derived their greatest sense of happiness from time spent with family and hobbies, how satisfied workers feel in their jobs now determines their overall happiness with life. This monumental shift means that job fulfillment has become essential to people everywhere.

The decision to be engaged is made in worker’s hearts–not minds. We now know that feelings and emotions drive human behavior–what people care most about and commit themselves to in their lives. Consequently, how leaders and organizations make people feel in their jobs has the greatest impact on their performance by far.

For centuries, most people went to work to get a paycheck, in order to put a roof over their heads and food on their table. But as a driver of engagement, pay now ranks no higher than fifth in importance to people–in every industrialized country. What truly inspires worker engagement in the 21st century can best be described as “emotional currency.” Here’s what that means:

Having a supervisor that cares about us, our well-being, and personal growth

Without exception, bosses predominantly concerned about their own needs create the lowest levels of employee engagement. Going forward, having an authentic advocacy for the development and success of others should be prerequisite for selection into all leadership roles.

Doing work that we enjoy and have the talents to perform

Selecting people who display passion for the work they’ll be doing is perhaps the most important step toward building a highly engaged team. People can’t ever be fully engaged if their hearts aren’t in the work.

Routinely feeling valued, appreciated, and having a deep belief that the work we do matters.

It’s highly destructive to people to have them strive and achieve, and to then have those contributions go unrecognized. Any company focused exclusively on driving profits–without a compelling mission–will inherently neuter engagement.

Having strong bonds with other people on the team, especially with our supervisors.

Feeling connected with and genuinely supported by others at work is a surprisingly significant driver of engagement and loyalty.

There is so much more I could share from the article (I encourage you to read the whole thing). The two big things I take from what is shared is the importance of feeling “valued” and inspiring a “purpose.”  The best administrator I have ever had, who has had such an impact on me personally and professionally, was masterful at inspiring both.  At one point in my career, I had an emotional breakdown after some life events and my dad passing away.  I needed a break, and I felt lost as a person. Work was not a top priority for me, and I thought I was mostly getting by in the moment.  She encouraged me to take my time and do what I needed to get better, and when I came back, she gave me a tremendous opportunity that I was surprised I had received.  Sometimes when people put you in situations where they expect more from you than you expect from yourself, you rise to those expectations. She helped me find a purpose when I felt I had none.

A few questions I thought about when I read this:

  1. Does your work or your daily interactions, online or offline, lift people up or push them to do less?
  2. Although feeling valued and having a purpose is something that an administrator should try to create for all staff in the building, do we go out of our way to do the same for our peers or those in supervisory positions?  If we saw this as something that was focused on from all directions, how much better would the work environment be for all staff? Administrators, like teachers, need to feel value and purpose in their work.
  3. How do we help students find value and purpose in our classrooms?

Again, relationships are not everything in education but how much further can we go in schools and classrooms, both students and adults, if we always remembered that people feeling valued and having purpose was at the core of what we do in all facets of our work? The journey would not only more engaging but more fulfilling as well.