cc licensed ( BY ) flickr photo shared by Lel4nd
Bear with me as I work through these thoughts…
I have written about failure before.
Have you ever been in a relationship and at some point, just not cared as much? You still maybe felt something for that person but perhaps did not really give it what you had at some point in the relationship. Sometimes this could be due to a feeling of comfort, but sometimes could it be that you simply did not care one way or the other if you stayed in that relationship? Yes you would be hurt if it was over but you know it would not be the end of the world; you would get over it. But when that relationship that you didn’t care about that much ends, ultimately, you have failed.
But then you think of those relationships that may have ended but meant everything to you and failure led to a great deal of heartbreak. Think of those relationships…the ones you have been in that you have worked hard to NOT fail. The relationships that you have cared about usually are the ones that you push yourself to get better.
I saw this Arnold Schwarzenegger video awhile ago and he says a few things that stick it out for me yet seem a little contradictory:
“Don’t be afraid to fail.”
“Don’t fail because you didn’t work hard enough. Work your butt off.”
If you listen to everything he talks about in the video, he talks about not fearing failure yet he puts all of the things in place to avoid it. There is a fear of failure in his voice. (I won’t even getting into trying to analyze how he ultimately failed with his relationship.)
I don’t think people should avoid doing things because they have a crippling fear of failure, but there is something to not wanting to fail that perhaps pushes us to do better. There is some meaning and connection to the work, initiative learning, relationship, whatever it is, that makes us do all in our power to avoid failure. Often we won’t fail because we care too much to allow that too happen.
Look at projects or new initiatives in your school…are there some that are there you could really care less if they continue on? Would staff care about initiatives in your school enough that they would be devastated if they were taken away? Do they care enough to do whatever it takes to make certain initiatives work? Failure probably will happen not because the planning wasn’t there, but the meaning or reasons you do the work were not compelling enough to see the work through.
We have moved from a world that simply saying, “Do as I say”, is not enough. There is a need, and should be a want, to clarify your “why”.
I am starting to think that the trick is not getting students and ourselves to be okay with failure, but to care enough about the learning that failure is not something they will do everything to avoid.
So…is fear of failure a good thing?
I have to ask you a question about failure – since you are a principal. This question has been bothering me for a while now. Why are principals so upset at teachers when students fail? I realize they want their numbers to be low in the failure area. But if a principal knows students are on a certain level. Let's say we took a pretest and it shows that the average student in the Jr. High is on third grade reading level? Yet, teachers are teaching seventh and eighth grade skills with the grade level books, pushing for high expectations and rigor to meet state testing.
Then WHY are we surprised the students fail? Why do principals blame teachers? Or say, “You must not be doing your job correctly if this many students are failing”? I am a student, who failed, and I was passed along (because I can play basketball) and I struggled through state testing. Because no one said, hey wait, this kid needs to learn what she has missed – she moved on, but her EDUCATION was left behind. Just wondering about this every day, as I now teach, how can I not fall into this cycle with my own students? If they are lower, is it possible to catch them up? When the numbers are in 800's of students, can it be done?
We get upset because children are human beings whose lives are determined by the amount of education they are able to complete. It is not acceptable for a student to be passed along if they are not learning. It is not acceptable to deem someone incapable of learning because they have not been adequately taught in the past. The calling to be a teacher is sacred. You commit to educating another human being so that they can contribute to our world. Students are supposed to fail some and succeed some until they get the confidence to succeed a lot. That is why we blame teachers. That is also why we blame ourselves if we have not taught our teachers to do everything within their power to help students be successful. To answer your question, yes it is possible to catch up a student who is lower. There is nothing a human being can't do.
I'm not sure that failure is the right term when someone does not caring enough…. but I agree there is a connection. That connection between fear and caring drives us to make a more conscious choice to care. As you say, it isn't enough to just care…. you need to tell yourself (and probably others) why you care.
No one ever sets out or plans to fail, but failing is part of who we are and how we respond to it shapes us. In my opinion, failure is all about perspective. See my post Failure is Optional at http://lwhittington.com/
I have a really high class of eighth graders right now. I tell them that at some point, failure was important for me to discover what I needed to know. I give them guided practice and watch some of the "straight A" students take forever because they don't want to miss one. The grade won't even be applied until I offer independent practice or a quiz. One student who always makes a "100" is often the last to finish, taking an inordinate amount of time on things that she should know. She cried last year, sobbing," Mama DRILLS me every night." (news flash–teacher's kid. sad.)
For this student, I would love to offer the gift of how failing can be a learning process. I would love for her to fail and still be content with who she is, believing that she is still capable of anything. Fear of failing doesn't need to be a monster in her life.
Honestly I think it’s about how we use the word failure… and even more so the weight put behind it, whether intended or not.
For many, ‘failing’ at something holds the same weight as ‘YOU are a FAILURE’, when really it actually just represents the fact that all the right pieces weren’t in the right place at the right time to succeed. Not that you ‘can’t’ but that you ‘didn’t’ or ‘couldn’t’ at that time.
The trouble is with the word itself because it has a definitive connotation, suggesting that once one has failed, that’s it, it’s over and done with.
To fail is deemed the worst possible outcome in our western culture – it is an attack on our ego, our ethics, our morals, our intelligence, and our self. So why would we ever think it would be justified to use this in the context of relationships? Or even more so, school?
When you spoke about ending any relationship as ultimately failing, it takes something natural and makes it ugly and negative. Relationships happen for many reasons in life, not to play off of too much of a cliché, but I truly believe that people come into our lives for ‘a reason, a season or a lifetime’ and ending a relationship should never be considered a failure. In fact I think that’s where so much of the anger, resentment and negativity between couples come from once they have split up. They fear failure, and react because it attacks their ‘self’ and even though they don’t want to be in the relationship, they want even less to be deemed to have failed, so they hang on too long or react negatively when the relationship ends. I can’t stress this enough — It is OK to end a relationship – it is NOT a failure, it is growth and many times a healthier choice!
In terms of school, I think we all agree that ‘failing’ within a class or a grade is no longer definitive – it just suggests that a child is not there yet. We do not deem a child in grade one who does not meet the grade one outcomes by the end of the school year to be a failure! We do not suggest that they will never meet them and should just give up on them. So we need to stop using that word! This is why ‘retention’ becomes a chosen phrase rather than ‘failure’ as the student needs more time in a grade, NOT that they cannot do it and that’s that.
We need to be careful how and when we chose to use the words ‘fail’ and ‘failure’ because they bring with them serious attacks on ego and self, regardless of our ability to justify using them.
Just my thoughts – another great post George!