This killed me today…
My 8 year old girl when asked what a Principal does, “It’s that person that talks to you when you’ve done something bad.”
#cpchat—Alec Couros (@courosa) August 25, 2012
As most of you know, that was from my brother and he is referring to my amazing little niece. I do not want her or any other kid seeing their principal in that manner. This is in no way meant to criticize the current principal or Raine’s school, but it did spark me to think about my time as a school principal and some of the things that were extremely important to me. ”Fostering Effective Relationships”, in my opinion, is the most important quality outlined in the Alberta Principal Quality Standard, and those relationships are the basis of a strong and innovative school.
As schools have either started or will be starting in the next little while, I just wanted to share some ideas about practices that I thought were important as a principal. I would in no way say that I was perfect as a principal and definitely would change some things that I did, but I am hoping that principals are looked at as more a part of schools, not the “master” of them.
- Welcome the kids when they arrive. Wave goodbye when they leave. - In Alberta, teachers do the majority of supervision, and it can be time consuming. I remember seeing this as a pain because you would have to deal with discipline, cold, etc., but then I started seeing this as an opportunity to really connect with kids. My mentor principal was adamant that him and I would be outside for supervision before and after school, because it took something off of the plate for teachers, but more importantly, it was a way to just talk and get to know students and parents. Not only could you get to know the kids better, but you could see problems before they started and diffuse them. I went from hating supervision to seeing this as the best part of my day; it is all about perspective. As the kids leave, be outside again, check in on them, and say goodbye.
- Your first interaction with a student should be a positive one. – I never wanted kids to see my office as the place where they got in trouble but as a place where they could come, talk, and grow. My goal as a principal was to ensure that I talked to kids and got to know them so that if they ever did end up in my office, I already had established a relationship with them. If I didn’t know the name of a student or anything about their situation (from their mouths) I had failed that kid. Knowing them and building a relationship with them led to an environment where that when they would show up to the office they were more worried about disappointing me, as opposed to being fearful I would be mad. Some kids will inevitably end up in your office; how well they know you and how well you know them will have a huge influence on what happens after they leave.
- Talk as little as possible. – This was probably one of the best pieces of advice that I had ever received going into administration. Carolyn Cameron had told me to never tell a kid why they were in your office, but to ask the following question: why are you here? This will not only give your information that you may have never known, but it helps to focus the child on their behaviour as opposed to how big of a jerk they are feeling you are at that point. If they can’t answer the question immediately, wait. If it takes them longer, wait longer. Kids are often so wound up that they may not want to say anything for a bit but keep them close. Once you tell them to “think about it outside”, you have shown them how easily you can sever a relationship with them. Most kids that are in your office need the exact opposite. They need to know you will be there for them even when they have screwed up. Eventually, stories will come out, so then follow up with, “If you were me, what would you do?” Kids will usually go to something extreme like expulsion for pulling Suzie’s hair, which now puts you in a great position to show again, how you are an advocate for the child. Work with them through what should happen next and follow with, “how will you fix this in the future?” So from this, you have asked three questions and let the kid speak and taught them how to deal with their own issues. Isn’t that what we want from our students? Use this as much as possible.
- Use humour to deal with situations any chance you can. - My mentor has always said to me, “If you wouldn’t laugh, you would cry.” Sometimes using humour is the best way to deal with a situation. I had a student in my office who was disrupting class and making annoying noises. Not life threatening, but something that we knew inhibited the learning of others. So I picked him up from his classroom, asked him to bring his work, so he could hang out in my office. As we sat there, not talking and doing separate work, I thought it would be a good time to look up “polka music” on YouTube and crank it in my office. He hated it, but knew exactly what I was doing. He begged me to turn it down but I told him, that I loved it, and it helped me work. He BEGGED to go back to class but I said, “nah, it is fun with you here.” Then it came to the point where I said, if I let you back, could you quit disrupting? He agreed to which I told him that he was more than welcome to come back later and listen to music. He never disrupted class again. Not only did that happen, but him and I also had a funny story that we could share and laugh about. The goal is to not come down with the hammer, but for a kid to really understand what they did and to get better. Not every action needs the same reaction.
- Do the walk. - Every day when I was in school, I would purposely get up and be present in every single classroom. Sometimes it was for 30 seconds, but I made sure that the kids saw me when I wasn’t away for meetings or whatever. It was my way of checking in with them, and them having an opportunity to check in with me. Say hi to the kids and just see what is going on. This does not only help to build powerful relationships with your school community, but also creates an environment where you see real teaching and learning that happens in schools. The more you are present in the classroom as a principal, the more privy you are to see what actually happens. My goal was to be present but invisible to teachers, but present and very visible to kids.
- Kids will love you if they know you love them. – The majority of educators get into teaching because they love kids. But at some point, it seems that we are taught to keep a certain distance from students because they might not respect us. I think that is a ridiculous idea. To me, there are three levels from a good to great principal. Level 1 is when they love you. Level 2 is when they respect you. But the pinnacle is level 3, when they love and respect you. Imagine how much more you can get from them in their learning when you have both of those present. This is not just for relationships with students, but in any relationship in your life. Be open to showing kids how much you care about them. Be their advocate. Care about them. Say kind and authentic things about them. Embody to them how you would like them to treat all of those in their lives.
As many of you know, I am all about innovation in teaching and learning in schools. It is so important, but if you can’t build strong relationships with your community, that innovation is not happening. Refer back to the tweet at the beginning of this post. If that is what a student says about you as the principal, can you truly be successful as a leader?
I encourage anyone to share what they do as a principal or have seen their principals do to build relationships in schools for any readers of this post. There are way more than I have listed here!
There wasn’t balloons everyday, but my office was meant to be a safe place for students.
Back in the bad old days when I worked in the corporate side of education I approved research in schools. One project was supposedly doing a time and motion study of how students used school spaces- allowing the reearchers access all areas. It was actually a study of 12 random students and the number of social interactions they had during a school day. The sobering results showed that around 50% of the target students had zero interactions- zilch, nada nothing. I had never forgotten reading that finding in the final paper.
Since being back in the real world I do the walk, I am out and about and I greet every student and team member I see. Big smile, letting them know I am glad they are here or if the clouds are overhead I stop for a chat. Even if sometimes I have a once sided conversation or fill in the blanks myself – I wait until I get a response even if it's rolled yes and a smirk.
Mother Teresa the modern epidemic is loneliness and with a school mission that aims for connected students- how do we achieve that if we don't connect everyday?
Excellent post, Geoge. Thank you for sharing! I really like the notion of being invisible to the teachers in class and yet visible to the students. I have found that whether it is asking a student to help set up the microphone or having a weekly "lunch with the principal," it ALL matters. If we make face time with kids a priority and genuinely look them in eyes, share a smile, and model kindness, not only will many respond in kind, all will feel what it is like to be a necessity. And ..isn't that what they deserve? @EMS_Principal
Great post! I have always cringed when a new family comes into the building and tells their child "You don't want to go into that office, only bad kids go in there". I make it a point to welcome students and families in the morning, making appearances in classroom. Our students earn a chance to play dodge ball with me (I never hold back), tape me to wall, I've worn a red dress for Red Ribbon Week and just have fun!! In my opinion, behavioral issues decrease and it's a great feeling walking down the hall and having kids hug me and say hello! @DKauk
As a principal who is fretting about classroom configurations, incomplete renovations and managing the mountain of start of the year paperwork in order to be ready for Wednesday (when our students arrive), this post was the perfect reminder of why I have the best job. As alluded to in the post exactly how you carry out the 6 ways of connecting is less important than the actual connecting but I will add a few that have worked for me.
Display and celebrate student work – I frame artwork from our students and display the pieces prominently in my office. Make the newsletter more about the important work students are doing and less about fundraising and school policy, ask students how their game, recital or meet went, invite a few students a couple of times a month to eat lunch with you, give students a prominent role in assemblies and announcements and help ensure the kindergarten students are appropriately dressed for recess by zipping up jackets for students who put their mitts on first.
The principal engaging in the lives of students and staff is contagious.
Thank you for the post. I especially enjoyed reading # 5 on your list. I'd like to mention that teachers also benefit from the principal visiting their classrooms. It's important for students to understand that their teacher and principal are united in communicating/reinforcing similar expectations.
Hey buddy – lots of powerful stuff here. As I was rearranging my office the other day, I had a thought… I DON'T want my office designed for kids. I don't want kids "sent to my office". I want my office to be a place where I can meet with adults or get tasks done when kids are gone home. Although I don't want my office to be this place where kids never get to come (kids eat lunch in there all the time – for fun), and I don't want it to be tho scary place… I want to get OUT of my office and see kids where they are.
Last year, I rarely had a "chat" with a child in my office. chats were had on playgrounds or on walks that we took. If things are dealt with in my office, it is often too late. If there was a dispute between some kids and I came back from a walk and there were kids there, I would just tell them I'd be right back and they could discuss what happened (or I left them with a reflective question). 5 mins later they would be all smiles and then we would go for a walk together. (I realize at elem the issues are a bit more tame).
My point is that I want to be with kids and when I am with them… I can be a teacher/coach in the moment. Reflective discussions with students happen best in places outside my office.
These are great reminders of where our focus needs to be in schools as principals. I tweeted this the other day, "Don't just have an open door policy as an admin, have a get out of your office and talk to students & teachers" policy!"
As important as it is to be in classroom, I think it is equally important to talk to students and teachers in the common areas during their "down" time. This is when you can can engage them in conversation and really understand who they are and perhaps even how the school can serve them better.
Great post George!
Jason (@jmarkeyAP)
Love this! It mirrors my mental models of leadership in school. I like the conversations we have to have with parents who say "You don't want to end up in the Principal's Office." Hopefully our students would say my office is a place where they talk about learning, a place of safety, a place where a student's best interest is at the heart of the matter.
I resonate with the humour point! I find our initial reactions to events are the ones that define you. Humour has that capacity to diffuse and bring people closer.
Visibility is more than being seen it is about time with kids as well. The playing handball at break, talking about a book a child is reading or just asking children about their learning.
Don't we have the best job in the world!
Stephen
@stephen_tpk
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George,
Thanks so much for reminding me of this. School hasn't started back up just yet, although I have been very busy prepping things for my staff and working on all of the other prep work that needs to be done before the kids walk in the door. It is easy at this time of year to get lost in the trance of getting everything ready, and forget what I truly enjoy about being the instructional leader of a school……the kids. Sure, I love connecting with my staff, introducing new learning to adults and sometimes even more importantly, learning from them. I can get engrossed for hours in deep conversations about educational strategies & philosophies, but there is nothing that brightens my day like a great conversation with a student, or hearing them laugh.
I have had many students remark that I am "funny" or a "cool" principal (so I know they are not always the best judge of character) but it still makes my day to make a kid smile and to find a way to make them leave the building at 3pm with a smile on their face instead of a scowl. God we have a great job!!!
Tom
@twhitford
This is a really great piece George. I very much connect with it. Thanks for sharing!
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Thanks for the support! As a principal, I deliver a happy birthday pencil to each student on their special day during class time. I shake their hand and look them in the eye and tell them to have a great day.
Yesterday I met our new kindergartners for the first time. When I introduced myself to them, I asked if they knew what the principal in a school does, and one little boy said, "When kids are bad, they go to you and you yell at them!" And I thought, I'm pretty sure I've never yelled at any of my students!! But it's sad that's how this role is perceived, and even by parents who expect the principal to be this hard-a#$d person who sits kids down, terrifies them, and lectures them about behaviors. That's what they experienced, so it must be so…
I love hosting kids for lunch in my office, where until this year (I needed to move to a smaller space b/c one of our teachers needed the room!) I have a basketball court, putting green, and other fun stuff set up for kids to do there. We also celebrate birthdays and I give each child a birthday card that I write a little message in and birthday trinkets like pencils or other fun things.
A lot of people who aren't in our role don't understand the importance of loving kids. That needs to be our first and foremost obligation. If we don't show our students that we care about them, no amount of "discipline" is going to make a difference. Why would a child strive to change behaviors for someone who he knows doesn't care about him? He won't.
And there's nothing better than a hug from a little one when you're having one of those crazy, mindblowing administrative days!
Wonderful post. My dad was an elementary principal and I heard him say countless times to students that principal ends in 'pal' because not 'ple' for a reason – he was there to support kids in every way he could. He was always in the halls, in the gym shooting basketballs, out on the playground – building relationships with students. I work with 36 community schools and I can see the difference between ones lead by a princi-pal almost as soon as I walk in the door. Bravo to you and to all the other principals who posted about the ways they connect with students. You're what great leadership is all about!
Thanks for the affirmation of the importance of student relationships! Teachers are consistently reminded how relationships effect leaning. As administrators, building these connections just look different, as we work with students for different reasons. As a new assistant high school principal last school year, I did the morning greetings outside our front doors. It wasn't easy as most if the time I was ignored because the kids did not know me, similar treatment as the flagpole they passed on the way in the building. As the year progressed, I was able to call many by name.
As your ideas resonant, relationship building habits do pay off. At the start of school this year, once again, I greet students as they arrive and leave. This year, my welcoming smile is bigger as many students now shout "Good morning, Mrs. Nold" or "See you tomorrow" before I've had a chance to greet them. My day starts with a little bit of sunshine as I hope my greeting gives them. The payoff is monumental in cultivating a positive school culture.
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